what can I say?


Be Free,
Be Independent,
Be Awesome Me!

Ask me anything

Again.

Again i feels broken falling apart wants to burst into tears feels lifeless being silent and so on.

Again i wondered why time pass by very fast is it because of the time jealous see me with you all the time or what.

Again i think i just want you now until for the rest of my life and nothing can separate us cos we will be together.

Again, i think i loves you…to infinity.

Open your eyes my dear muslimah…

If he loves you, he will made you a better person. And of coz, became a better muslimah. Because he knows, he wants to see you not just in this dunya. But until jannah. He will guide you, and he will improve himself too. He wants to be your zauj. Not just your temporary boyfriend. He will not let others see your aurat. He will not even touch you before you become a real wife for him. He knows, he still not perfect. And he finds you perfect. Your perfectionists have complete his imperfection. He will not even ask you to do something wrong. He dont want to see you burn in hell. He will not even steal your heart. He will be prepared to improve his life because he wants you to have a happy life with him.

But, if all of what he does was inversely from the above that i mention just now. Then, just leave him. He will not show you what jannah is but he will let you burned in the hell together with him. Remember, my dear. Beware.

Pain.

A little tears…
A fake smile…
A broken soul…

I am sicked…
I am disappointed…
I am betrayed…

I want,
My life back…
My happyness…
My precious…
My love…

Awak, budak baju ungu.

Budak baju ungu.
Lama tak dengar cerita.
Apa khabar kamu disana?
Baik2 saja atau sebaliknya?

Budak baju ungu.
Saya tertanya2.
Masih ingatkah pada saya?
Atau sudah melupakan saya?

Budak baju ungu.
Saya doakan awak sentiasa.
Saya takkan lupa.
Jasa awak pada saya.

Budak baju ungu.
Saya lihat jatuh bangun awak.
Saya sanjung usaha awak.
Saya gembira dengan kejayaan awak.

Budak baju ungu.
Jangan dilayan manusia syaitan.
Yang sentiasa ingin menjatuhkan.
Ingatlah, awak sentiasa ada Tuhan.

Budak baju ungu.
Jangan bermuram durja.
Bergembiralah dan ketawa.
Saya suka melihatnya.

Budak baju ungu.
Saya masih rindu.
Walaupun dah berlalu.
Masih rasa sayu.

Budak baju ungu.
Teruskan kehidupan.
Ciptalah kemenangan.
Semoga kita, terus berkawan.
Walau dalam kejauhan.
Walau hanya angan2.

Dunia fantasi

Dah dua bulan aku duduk di dalam dunia fantasi aku. Dunia aku lagi satu. Di mana jasad aku yang berjalan di situ tetapi tidak roh aku. Di tempat yang aku sentiasa berharap aku tidak ditakdirkan disitu. Tempat yang selalu buat aku rasa homsik. Rasa rindu dengan suasana realiti aku. Dan rasa rindu dengan kenalan2 realiti aku. Dan keluarga realiti aku.

Ye, Kolej Matrikulasi Negeri Sembilan.

What a hectic life being a student at there. How i am not happy and not laughing as much i laugh when i am in my real world. I dunno… I still cant adopt the environment there. Cause when i at home i feel ‘this is my reality, i dowanna back to my fantasy’.

Haih, if only i have any chances to continue study near selangor..that would be my another reality. But for now, this place is still a fantasy for me.

The way i laugh, its very fake. Because nothings can make me laugh there. Nothing is funny. There was only an exhausted me. Living there, i think it is another me.

Besides, i am far from you. And we rarely contact. We just can contact for a few days in a week. Or sometimes 2 weeks. And then every sunday i have to let you go. Why? Why must i go through all that every sunday? Cant i just let you go without any tears? Because, when you leave me on sunday. The tomorrow monday must be not me. It was a broken person. A heartless, felt lefted, alone, enough broke into tears. Every monday it is not me. It is broken me. Who really missed the yesterday sunday. And hoping everyday is just friday, saturday, sunday. I am falling apart. Because when i down at weekdays…no one are there to makes me feel better.

I am now living in hell. Which is i have to turned the hell into a heaven that makes me comfortable.

Nevermind…few months to go. Just one year living like this.

*i need strengh. Just tell me anything that can build me become stronger.

damn.

dear you, did you know how much i’m missing you? did you know how bad i wanna meet you? did you know how sucks life without you?

dear you, i missed our conversations all day long. i missed our late night talk. i missed our ‘heart-to-heart’ session. where either you or me will write a very long text about how we feel. and then wait until subuh for respond to it. i missed when i used to smile at 5a.m just because i read your apologize text. how suprised. how happy. how touched i am. i missed when you call for bangun subuh. i missed to talk to you and laughed at you. i missed to ‘senyum sorang2’ when i talk to you… i missed… everything about you, and everything about us… T_T

dear you, did you know how i felt when i heard a love song? did you know how i felt when i looked at others people? did you know how i felt when i will continue study soon? did you know how i felt when our first year anniversary? did you know how i felt when… when i wrote this now? :’(

……………………………………………

i feel broken.

i feel falling apart.

i feel like losing hope.

when i’m missing you…

oh ya. aku dapat matriks negeri semilan. dekat kuala pilah. masuk 26 Mei 2014 insyaAllah. but still… 60/40 je rasa skarang~ hahah.

what i’ve been doing for two months

its may now. last aku update tumblr ni time result ritu, bulan 3. -_- haha.

wondering where i’m gone along this two months?

well ekceli… gua keje. yes. keje. cehceh xD

keje restoran yang diusahakan abang aku. restoran belakang rumah je pon. *series betol2 kat blakang rumah aku* alaa. Kota Raja Bistro tuuu~ hehe.

and sepanjang 2 bulan lebih ni. dah macam2 orang aku jumpa. and yang regular customer yang aku dah afal nama dorang tu. rasa, best kenal diorang. rasa sayang, nak lepaskan…

haih. dear customer, i hope someday when we’ll meet somewhere you will recognize me and say ‘eh ni yang keje bistro tu kan?’ :)

and dear customer, i hope when the day i returns there. you all are still the same person i know. still asking for the same thing. still eat and drinks the same thing. and still, be there at my restaurant.

because my dear customer, you all are not just my customer. you all are my  friends. and i want we to be like family. :)

”result aku gay”-jf

hahaha tajuk tu quote kawan aku. so Alhamdulillah aku dapat 4a2b+2c+1c. ye, aku tak expect tinggi sebab banyak benda yang jadi halangan untuk doa aku. aku sedar tu. dosa je takpayah cakap banyak mana. cuma Allah itu maha pengasih. seteruk2 aku, dia masih lagi kasi aku kejayaan jugak.

aku dah rasa macamana feeling bila target dapat kurang. macam time upsr. semua target 3a. tapi sebab aku belajar main2 aku dapat 2a. that time i saw my mami dedi was laik, haih—

aku dah rasa macamana feeling bila dapat cemerlang result out of the blue target berapa je sekali Allah kasi pergh!! time tu pmr. zaman dimana semua orang tahu aku belaja xpandai mana. sekali time nak pmr aku masuk spital. aku keluar spital je dua ari lepastu pmr. time aku masuk spital mak akak2 aku sume jaga aku xlena tidur apa semua. time tu memang aku doa sungguh2 sebab aku nak balas jasa dorang. kalau aku xmasuk spital, aku xrasa aku dapat 6a2b dalam pmr tahun 2011. haha. time tu, cicikgu semua happy ada yang jadikan aku contoh anak murid untuk murid yang lain. ya Allah… aku dah rasa macamana bangganya jadi pelajar cemerlang. Alhamdulillah. :’)

dan sekarang, tiba masa untuk aku dapat feel kene apa yang ditarget. ya Allah. engkau dah terlalu banyak memberi. aku xboleh rasa xbersyukur. memang ada orang yang percaya i can get more than this. tapi, aku rasa Allah dah terlalu baik kasi aku result yang macamni. dengan kimia yang selalu fail and finally dapat C…. i shudnt ask for more. thank you Allah. T_T

well, untuk orang yang senyuman berubah bila aku gitau result aku. aku just nak cakap, ini permulaan. dont judge too early. perjalanan yang sebenar baru nak bermula. :)

selasetahun. ^^